Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
