One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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