idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize