I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
