38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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