And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
