Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
