do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
