My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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