38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize