Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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(818): View more from California

I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.

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(512): View more from Texas

Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.

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(954): View more from Florida

You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad

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(989): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.

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(917): View more from New York City

It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth

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