textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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