So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
His nipple licking is glorious
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