Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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