plz talk dirty to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize