my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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