ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
