ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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