he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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