pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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