you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
