life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
