The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
