i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
