This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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