thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
