i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
