Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize