I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize