Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
