God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
