Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
