my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As shirtless as possible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
