he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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