break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
