Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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