She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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