You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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