my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
