Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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