so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
