do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
