Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
