I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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