I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
