my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
home. puking in laundry basket.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How's work?
Spinning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
