Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
