speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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