So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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