Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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