I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
