I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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