So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just pee around me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
