When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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