Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
