I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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