When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
