I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just crazy horny about you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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