I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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