i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
