3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
