Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
