Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
