GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
