Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
