HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
